I Don't Think China Heard That
by xtotallyatpeacex
Summary: Fred and Katie discuss pushing Cho Chang off a cliff, being related to Lockhart and the fact that Fred likes a certain midget with a tendency to let her mouth run away with her.


**Title:** I Don't Think China Heard That

**Rating:** K

**Summary:** Fred and Katie discuss pushing Cho Chang off a cliff, being related to Lockhart and the fact that Fred likes a certain midget with a tendency to let her mouth run away with her.

**A/N:** Well, I've had this written for a while, and I just found it and changed the ending a bit. Hope you like, please read and review!

* * *

"You're joking." It was a statement, not a question, and Katie knew from the look on Fred's face that this was not one of his typical pranks, which were usually distinguished by his subject of choice: her.

"Dead serious," Fred said conversationally, as they continued to skirt the limbs of trees and subtly raised roots, in search of one potion ingredient or another. Katie had tuned out after Snape had repeated for the fifth time that short-sheeting the Slytherins beds and putting shaving cream on their face just because she'd recently seen people do it in a Muggle movie didn't mean it was allowed.

"So you're saying…" She broke off as a branch swatted her in the face. "They're doing it on purpose, I'm telling you… These trees are out to get me," she muttered, getting to her feet as Fred made no move to help her.

"…That you are actually related to Gilderoy Lockhart," Fred confirmed, nodding. He blanched and gave her a look of such disgust she momentarily wondered if he thought she had cooties. "Just think about it, Bell. You have the same blood as that poncy twit running through your veins."

"But," she puffed, wishing she were taller so she could step over the bloody trees, "I thought you said _you_ were related to Lockhart? Because, you know, that means I'm related to _you_. Ew, that is so gross-"

Fred cut her off mid rant before she said something more damaging to his ego. "Do I _look_ like a poncy twit to you?" He demanded, then waved a hand as she started to nod. "No, wait. Don't answer that. And I'm not related to you. He's my third cousin four times removed on my mum's side of the family, through marriage, and he's _your_ second cousin five times removed on your dad's side of the family, so therefore you are technically more related to him than I am."

Katie took a minute to process this information. "So… I'm related to you, then?" She could only grasp the simple facts, and the simple facts were sounding alarm bells in her head. After all, if she were related to Fred, then she'd also be related to Percy, and he was more of a poncy git than Lockhart was, she mused.

"No!" Fred sighed exaggeratedly and slapped a hand to his forehead. "She's so thick…" He murmured, loud enough for Katie to hear him clearly.

"Hey!" She protested violently, elbowing him in the ribs. "How d'you know all this, anyway?" She thought it was a rather odd subject for someone to specialise in, especially for someone as… _precocious_ as Fred was. Then a strange thought occurred to her. "Are you _stalking_ me, then?"

"No!"

"I've always wanted a stalker," Katie continued on, oblivious to Fred's persistent groans and shouts of denial. "That time last year when you told me Cho Chang was stalking you, I thought it was hilarious. I practically worshipped her… Well, so did you, come to think of it." She shot him a dirty look that did not go unnoticed by Fred.

"And then somehow she unfortunately fell from that cliff," Fred remarked dryly, surreptitiously looking for cliffs in the surrounding vicinity. He knew it was by an unspoken agreement that they'd never talked about it, but he was bored.

It turned out that detention in the Forbidden Forest really wasn't that exciting after all.

"Yes," Katie replied nonchalantly, "that was extremely sad… And I didn't mean to accidentally let go of her hand, either. I swear," she added, glancing across at him. "I must've had extra sweaty palms that day…"

"Wonder why," Fred muttered.

"…And, I mean, you saw how _upset_ I was when I heard that she blamed _me_ for it… Of course, it might have had something to do with the fact that the last person she saw was me before her skull cracked open and she went unconscious. I was just about to whip out my best healing spell, too…"

"Because you're such a great sport," Fred said sarcastically, stepping ahead of Katie and letting the branch go before she followed, so that it hit her in the head. He smirked at her indignant snort; he hadn't really minded that Cho Chang had been keen on him… Or at least, she had been before she got the idea stuck in her head that Katie was trying to assassinate her to get rid of the 'competition'.

"…I always considered us friends, you know? I mean, I know we never would've been the best of friends, probably because she's obsessed with what brand of _nail polish_ she wears, Fred. What sort of person cares about the brand of nail polish they wear? Is there such thing as a nail polish snob? Because she is really looking like nail-polish-snob candidate of the year at the moment."

"Since when have you discriminated against people for wearing nail polish?" Fred snorted, looking guiltily down at his own varnished nails. Alicia had caught him and George as they were half-asleep and had her way with them… Well, he smirked; she had had her way with _George_, anyway. She'd been wise enough to leave Fred with the sparkling red nail polish.

"Only if they're stuck up cows who can't fly a broom to save themselves," Katie replied bitingly. She was on a roll- it was almost as if it was third year again, and she'd been on one of her Cho-must-die rants. Or course, she hadn't _really_ pushed Cho. She'd been tempted, of course, and her memory of the day was still slightly fuzzy…

"Cho's on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team," Fred pointed out mildly, swinging another branch into Katie's face. "They're not bad."

Katie stopped and stared at him, mouth agape. "What are you, some kind of Hufflepuff? Didn't you know we're supposed to be _loyal_ to our house? Loyal. Adjective. Definition: remaining faithful to a country, person, ruler, government or ideal," she recited.

"I think you're confusing Gryffindor with Slytherin," Fred said, hiding his grin. He was vaguely amused at the fact that Katie- disorganised, scatter-brained Katie Bell- could remember entries from the dictionary, but he'd already called her every kind of dictionary nerd he could come up with, and the conversation was starting to get interesting. There was no need to get her _really_ mad just yet.

She stamped her foot indignantly. "I am _not_ a Slytherin!" She yelled hotly.

Fred rolled his eyes. "_Now_ we're getting somewhere. I was just about to-"

"Do you like her?" Katie asked suddenly, fiddling with a bunch of pine needles. Her refusal to meet his gaze amused Fred, and he stepped back, regarding her with something akin to a smirk.

"Now, Katie-dear, why on earth would you be wondering _that_?"

Katie shrugged. "Well, she's my enemy. You can't like your best friend's enemy; it's just not right." She looked up at him defiantly.

"Who says you're my best friend?" Fred drawled lazily, not in the least intimidated by her angry glare.

"_I_ do," she answered irately, "and you said so yourself yesterday. You're trying to change the subject. _Do you like Cho Chang_?"

If Fred hadn't known Katie Bell as well as he liked to think he did, he would have been surprised by the menace in her words. He let them echo the valley for a minute, causing Katie to stamp her foot again and scowl up at him.

"Nah," he said easily, "I don't. Although I do have to say, it was rather amusing to see you get so worked up-"

"Shut up," Katie grumbled, stumbling on through the forest. She attempted to flick a branch back at Fred's head, but he caught it with little effort and somehow managed to flick it back towards her, causing her to trip over her own two feet.

"But," Fred said, reaching over casually to give her a hand up, "I will tell you who I _do_ like, if you want."

Katie brushed off her jeans, purposely avoiding looking at Fred. "I guess, if you really want," she said airily. "I'll allow it, I s'pose."

"Well," Fred said slowly, "there's this midget, right?"

"Well that rules out everyone above first year," Katie said perceptively. "You cradle snatcher! It's against the law, you know! They're not even teenagers, Fred! I hope you go to Az-"

Fred reached over and stuck a hand over her mouth tiredly. "Will you," he asked, "_shut up _already? I haven't finished." Katie mumbled something against his hand that Fred took to be, 'Sorry, Mr Weasley, won't happen again.'

"Anyway, she eats like a freaking hippogriff- wait, hippogriffs have table manners. There's always something that no one really cares about coming out of her mouth, and she makes everyone tired just by looking at her because she just doesn't bloody well _stop moving_!"

Katie unconsciously stopped shifting from foot to foot. It wasn't her fault, she thought indignantly. That Muggle doctor _did_ say she had hyper-something-or-other disorder. Her mum thought that she just ate too many red coloured foods, though…

"She always complains, and never moves off of the couch so that other people can sit there…"

She rather thought she liked sitting on the couch, in front of the fire. Why would she want to move?

"And she never does her homework, so no one can copy off it if it's not there. Also, it makes it rather hard for her to be the getaway man- sorry, woman- if she's constantly in detention, or inside a plant due to not doing her homework on it."

Katie thought that unfair; after all, it wasn't exactly _fun_ being eaten alive by a freaking over-large tulip. How was she supposed to know it would eat you if you stuck your hand inside its mouth?

"Anyway, she's a pretty good mate," Fred finished.

Katie stared at him, eyes narrowed. "This girl sounds a bit like a loser, if you ask me," she told him. "She doesn't even have any good qualities. I don't know why you'd even like her… So who is it, then?"

Fred stared at her, dumbfounded. "You… You don't know?"

Katie thought about it. Well, the first quality pretty much ruled out almost everyone. And she didn't really think he'd go for a first year, he wasn't quite _that_ perverted… "I dunno," she sighed. "I can't remember anyone in detention who matches that description."

Fred was amazed. He'd known Katie could be rather scarce with common sense, but he never thought it was that bad. "It's you, drongo."

"Who're you calling a drongo- wait, what?" Katie thought she'd heard wrong. He couldn't have just said what she thought he'd said, could he?

"Katie Bell!" Fred shouted, rolling his eyes.

Katie snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"I like you," he said simply. He didn't think it would pay to make it any more complicated than that.

"Wow. Thanks, Fred." It took Katie a few minutes until what she'd heard absorbed. "_WHAT?!_"

"Say that any louder? I don't think China heard that," Fred complained. He sat down on a nearby tree root.

"Oh…" Katie sat down next to him. "Well, I like you too," she admitted.

Fred grinned and started to lean towards Katie, but she suddenly looked up in confusion. "Why're we sitting on a branch in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, when it's getting dark?" She asked slowly.

"Oh." Fred looked a bit embarrassed. "Well, we're kind of… lost."

"Lost? But I thought you said you knew where we were going," she said, standing up.

Fred sighed. "I did."

"Well then, why didn't you ask for directions?" Katie demanded.

"How could-"

"Honestly, you are so concerned about your ego that you won't even go ask a bloody tree for the way home! Pride, that's all you guys ever care-"

Fred rolled his eyes. Then he quickly stood up and pressed his lips against Katie's, effectively stopping her rant before it got any longer or louder. When they both had to pull away due to lack of oxygen, Katie's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something.

Fred, however, clapped a hand over her mouth and groaned, "Will you, for once in your life, _shut up_?"


End file.
